It's about to get real up on this barstool!

Bright lights, big city. A night out on the town holds so many possibilities…an encounter with Mr. or Ms. Right…a DUI…anything can happen. When it comes down to it, singles always have an eagle eye out for a potential date. Can you find that date in the neighborhood dive bar or thumping nightclub? It depends on what you’re looking for.

Case Study #1: Me. I’m not immune to dating men I’ve met in various dank watering holes. My first fiancé was a chance encounter in the men’s room at F&M Patio Bar in New Orleans. Get your mind out of the gutter. I was helping a girlfriend out who needed immediate use of a bathroom, and I stood solid in front of the door while a gallery of men decided my presence was a nuisance rather than a deterrent from entering. One gentleman, however, opened the door and responded, “I’ll wait.” We ended up dating, romancing, and in the end, being friends for 20 years.

Bars are a freaky place to meet someone for long-term relationship potential. If you’re in a bar, doesn’t that automatically put you in the partyalcoholic-intervention-rehab category? Maybe. Or, you just like to have fun. Either way, it can be tricky.

Case Study #2: Kaci. My friend Kaci has had her ups and downs with dating and cocktails. “My last serious relationship was a guy that I met in bar—I will call him Nick. Nick and I met during the Arch Rivalry game a couple of years ago at Over Under on Washington Avenue.” How did that end, you wonder? “This was probably the only serious relationship I have been in that started from meeting a random guy in a bar.” Things were great until they weren’t. “I was disappointed when things didn’t work out, but you know what they say—everything happens for a reason, right?” A realistic look at love with a side order of red-headed slut shots.

Kaci isn’t whiskey sour on romance in the city of bars. “I really think it depends on what kind of bar you’re at. The guys that go to Lucas Park are going to be totally different than the guys you would meet at say, Tin Can. Both are great bars, but you have to know what you’re looking for and know what to expect from different venues when you’re out on the prowl.”

Case Study #3: Kyle. Bars are as much of a mine field for men as they are for women. Take, for instance, my pal Kyle. He knows a bit about the nightlife scene as the events director for a well-known swank hotel in St. Louis. For Kyle, being a man, and a gay man on top of that, doesn’t necessarily make it smooth sailing through the barstools and late nights. Kyle doesn’t see the local watering hole as the best option. “The reason I don’t do well in the bar scene is because all the guys I see out are my friends. I already know them. You see the same people and know what to expect at each place.” He also states the obvious. “If you want to pursue someone to go home with that night, you will find someone. I don’t go out looking for a date. If I meet someone, it’s like a bonus.”

Case Study #4: Najah. My friend Najah fared better. Not only did she meet her current boyfriend in a bar, they are carrying on a long distance cross-continental romance. Did I mention her man is from Norway? She was casually sitting at the bar, intensely pretending to be interested in a Monday night football game, and he came over and ordered a Cognac and hot coffee. “I inquired about his choice of combination, and he began to explain that it was a European tradition, and I was intrigued and kept talking!” Good start, girlfriend!

From there, they went hell bent for leather on a long-distance relationship. “I think we both came into each other’s lives at a time where we both needed and wanted love, and we found that in each other. Seeing him almost daily on Skype works for me for the most part. Although, sometimes, it gets very lonely.”

Lonely? Okay. Hot? Yes. Should we all start looking for Euro hotties in bars? According to Najah, “In general, if you’re looking for something serious, the bar scene can be a challenging place to start, but not impossible.”

In the end, who knows what could happen. In fact, I hope to receive ample accounts from readers on my blog to uphold and contradict this great debate. All you can do is resist lowering your standards to the basement, and know that if nothing else, you’ll have fun chatting up someone new.

Image from dateology.ca

XXRayVision Pamela keeps a hectic social schedule, so she sees a lot of relationship dilemmas. A native of New Orleans, Pamela infuses a mix of Southern sass and Yankee tough love in her columns.

Are they laughing with her...

Once upon a time, back in the ’90s, there used to be a designated time of the year that you knew would bring embossed envelopes regally inviting you to celebrate in the happiness of a distant cousin, close friend or a co-worker in the joining of holy matrimony. Now, it’s a year round sport. Wedding invites can invade your mailbox like a stealth bomb at any moment. Whatever happened to June being the designated month to make single girls’ lives a living hell?

OK, maybe I’m exaggerating. It isn’t hell, but it can be an anxious time for some single girls in the world. Who will I bring to the wedding? Will there be any one interesting to flirt with at the reception? Will I commit an epic fail after too many drinks at the open bar? There are so many landmines to navigate.

So, to help a single girl out, I’ve come up with this short survival list to unwedded bliss during wedding season—otherwise known as how to keep your pie hole shut, don’t get crazy-drunk and celebrate wedded bliss with the people you care about most. Feel free to weigh in with your own survival tips in the comment section.

Like it or not, it’s not about you. Maybe you don’t like the venue. You don’t like the groom. You don’t like weddings. So what? Get over it. Whatever opinions you may have formed on the actual wedding, keep your lipstick-laden lips sealed and be happy for the couple. Happiness reduces wrinkles. Frowning makes you look like a hag. Do you want to frown on this wedding and look like a hag? Thought not.

No plus one? No problem. Contrary to popular belief, weddings can be fun without a date. If you are attending with your couple friends, be their third wheel. They probably owe it to you for putting up with their relationships. Or, get creative. Who says a “plus one” has to be a guy? Can’t you bring your best friend or your sister? Get dolled up and treat it like a mini prom. Buy a new dress and hit that party like a West Coast party cuz a West Coast party don’t stop. Or, something like that.

Drunk and disorderly is not a good combination. Drowning one’s sorrows is a typical response to a tragedy. Weddings do not fall under this category. Unleashing yourself full-force on the unlimited booze that is likely available to you at a wedding is a big no-no. Your misadventures in the land of “drunkity drunk drunk” will be talked about well after the last grain of bird seed is thrown. In this tech age, it will also be posted on Facebook and/or YouTube before your cab arrives to take your sorry slurring carcass home. How do you want to be remembered? Charming and sweet or crazy-drunk with Rasputin eyes?

The bouquet toss is not meant to crush your soul. Many of my friends detest this tradition, mainly because it promotes “running of the bulls” behavior on the dance floor. They also hate how it glaringly points out their lack of coupledom or wedded matrimony. Here’s the upside. The tossing of perfectly good, expensive flowers is a goldmine. The bouquet is usually better than any flowers I would normally buy or get from a cheapskate date, so I go for it. Step aside, ladies. Momma needs a new dining room centerpiece!

Weddings are a celebration, not a jail sentence to get out of. Regardless of whether you don’t champion the union, hate the Electric Slide or think the couple is the best thing since sliced bread, take a deep breath and make the most of the day. At the very least, you get a decent meal and some cardio on the dance floor. In the best of circumstances, you will witness two people you care about making a lifelong commitment, and that is worth celebrating.

Image from www.idobudgetweddings.blogspot.com

Never one to believe that sleep is completely necessary, XXRay Vision’s, Pamela Raymond keeps a hectic social schedule, so she sees a lot of relationship dilemmas. A native of New Orleans, Pamela infuses a mix of Southern sass and Yankee tough love in all of her columns. Pamela also writes a blog for “Girls Guide To The Galaxy” and uses her MBA from Maryville University to run her own PR and events firm, The Raymond Experience. You can follow her on Twitter @rayexperience.

Never one to be very wrapped up into fashion, I dress for whatever my mood is or based on varying degrees of laundry mayhem. My relationship with style has been a bit turbulent to say the least. Much like a bad boyfriend, I’ve had to cut ties with it on occasion. No apologies, no regrets.

And much like a good boyfriend, when fashion works, it works on all cylinders. And then there are the crazies. Crazy boyfriends, crazy fashion. All the same to me. So, here’s my list of crazy fashion horrors throughout history. Revisionist history, maybe. But my take on it no the less.

Parachute Pants

Silliness at its finest

Robbing one of their masculinity, parachute pants not only made me questions one’s ability in a street fight but looked so silly that I couldn’t image why anyone would wear them.  MC Hammer advised you wisely not to touch this. Too bad he wasn’t referring to this fashion nightmare.

Codpiece

Henry VIII overcompensating...

Forerunner to the jock strap (my opinion), the cod piece, a nifty piece of craftsmanship most popular during the middle English 15^th and 16^th century, was a fashion statement  meant to…um…accentuate the positive on a man. Insert comments on giving “false hope” and “buyer beware”.

The codpiece enjoys a long life in the leather subculture and heavy metal arenas today. By the way, the meaning behind the word cod is “scrotum”. Go figure.

Foot binding

Ouch!

This is as painful as it sounds. A Chinese custom that entailed binding a young girl’s feet to stop them from growing, the practice likely originated in the Song Dynasty then spread from upper class to all classes. This interesting fashion statement died out in the early 20^th century. Yikes.

Let’s face it. Ladies will do anything to fit into a shoe they have no bizness trying to fit into. If the words “Manolo” and “Blahnik” are on it, winking at us with a sale sticker, most of us are willing to at least consider shaving 2 sizes off our normal size to make it happen.  That would be considered modern day foot binding. Just sayin’.

Ed Hardy tee shirts

G-T-L, bro!

The uniform of douche bags everywhere, Ed Hardy tees are not a fashion fail in and of themselves. It’s more of a fail in who seems to be out wearing them like aspiring UFC contenders, The Situation or that Gosseling guy with a million kids.

Epic fashion fails aside, this week’s Fashion Week will rock your socks off and show you a few tricks of the trade for your wardrobe. Most shows are ready-to-wear items you can get now or find soon in a store near you so you won’t be subjected to that weird Parisian junk made for a heroin addict.

You don’t need me to hand hold you through a list of shows so check out this link for more info, schedules and ticket prices,  www.stlouisfashionweek.com. You will find me at Project:Design! on Tuesday, the Rebecca Taylor show at Saks on Thursday (benefits Food Outreach!) and of course Liquid Style on Saturday to close this mutha out!

About XXRayVision: Never one to believe that sleep is completely necessary; Pamela keeps a hectic social schedule, so she sees a lot of relationship dilemmas. A native of New Orleans, Pamela infuses a mix of Southern sass and Yankee tough love in all of her columns. Pamela also writes a blog for “Girls Guide To The Galaxy” and uses her MBA from Maryville University to run her own PR and events firm, The Raymond Experience. You can follow her on Twitter @RayExperience.

Images:

Parachute pants: www.Nerdygaga.com

Henry VIII: Public domain, baby!

Foot binding image: Daniel Schwen

The Situation image: www.mamapop.com

As if my dates would go this smoothly...

Food has a way of mocking me—especially when someone else is watching. The trauma is magnified when food attacks me in front of that special someone on a date. I’m not sure when dinner became fraught with anxiety and visions of landmines, but this is the case when I say “yes” to the question,

“Are you free on Friday night?”

When put in a grown-up date situation complete with table service and cloth napkins, I get a little nervous. I wonder if I’m being judged. Okay, I know I’m being judged. But add to this the possibility that my dinner might body slam me with sauce, make a great escape down my shirt or, in general, act like a jerk and that’s way too much pressure.

So I thought: Why not come up with a list of foods to absolutely avoid on dates—by avoid, I mean you will avoid embarrassment, discomfort and a dry cleaning bill (at least, on a first date). Let me preface this list by saying, these are my observations. Feel free to mentally weigh in (or comment on my blog) with your own.

This is how I like to chow down...

1. Anything with saucy business on it. It should go without saying that time bombs like ribs, meatballs or hot wings are not date friendly. But how many of us have still learned this lesson the hard way? Given the opportunity, any of those juicy items will jump ship right into your lap, guaranteed. So unless you’re looking to jump ship from a bad date, avoid these saucy temptresses.

2. Weird foods are…weird. I’m all for adventures in eating, but when it comes to date night, take this tip to heart: Ordering frog legs or pig’s tails or anything perceived as “weird” on the menu will likely have your date thinking some unpleasant thoughts. And if they are huge fans of Kermit or Porky Pig, they may consider your dinner murder. Either way, it pays to steer clear of the awkward and unusual.

3. Does it pass the smell test? I love me some garlicky situation, but not so much on a date. Another smell you don’t want is one that may be associated with beans. I know that’s TMI, but I had to put it out there. You’ll thank me later.

This could take an eye out...

4. Food that requires an instruction manual. If you don’t know how to break open a lobster, shuck an oyster or suck a crawfish head, don’t eat it on date. Do your learning on your own dime. This way, you won’t have to wonder where your dignity went as lobster meat goes flying and you’re wearing a buttery facial.

5. Food with its own decibel level. Soup tops my list for noisy dishes that are best left for consuming in private. The No. 1 reason is the slurping. Not attractive. It’s audibly messy and unless you are a 5-year-old, that’s not cute.

Dating is hard enough these days. In the end, it’s all about spending quality time with someone you like or could potentially crush on. When food attacks, the only thing you can do is laugh it off. No one’s perfect, right? I am not immune to the belligerent and unruly attitude of an entrée.

Will I let it bring me down? No. Will I let it get the best of me when it creates a barbecue-drenched Rorschach pattern on my favorite jeans? No. The next time I’m on a date and my dinner goes lunatic without my permission, I will hold my head high, not wish for death and get over it. And if my date has a sense of humor, he’ll smear some sauce on his shirt to show his solidarity.

Weigh in. What’s your choice on messiest foods to eat on a first date…or any date?

About XXRayVision: Never one to believe that sleep is completely necessary; Pamela keeps a hectic social schedule, so she sees a lot of relationship dilemmas. A native of New Orleans, Pamela infuses a mix of Southern sass and Yankee tough love in all of her columns. Pamela also writes a blog for “Girls Guide To The Galaxy” and uses her MBA from Maryville University to run her own PR and events firm, The Raymond Experience. You can follow her on Twitter @RayExperience.

Idealized version of online dating

Dating is scary. Throw in the potential to meet an axe wielding serial killer then you have online dating.  Or at least my unsubstantiated view of it.  I will be the first to admit, I haven’t really tried to market myself in the relationship game via a head shot and short bio.  But I know plenty of friends who have. Some had great experiences like getting engaged or married! And some not so great -if you are into foot fetishes or wearing baby diapers, stay away from online dating sites. It creeps the ladies out.

So ALIVE Magazine has decided to jump into the matchmaking game and launch the site, ALIVEDates. It bills itself as “Fun. Easy. Natural. Dating.”  Well that doesn’t sound intimidating at all. Should I be suspicious of how easy this sounds?

ALIVEDates is free to set up an account so why not? In order to put your best foot forward when creating a spectacular profile, Mandy Chapman, dating and relationship expert, has established a free seminar to get your online dating profile into tip top shape. This seminar, called Dating 101, is designed to be lighthearted, fun, educational, and may just help you land that special someone…online!

On September 17^th at 12pm at Al Waha Restaurant, Mandy provides constructive feedback on your online image and there is a panel discussion with a Q&A session.  There is still time to register at the event site or you can show up at Al Waha at noon. P.S. This is not just for the ladies! Men are encouraged to come and the list so far has quite a few of them in the mix! <wink>

I plan on exploring the ALIVEDates site more fully (for research purposes, you understand) . So there is a good chance that I may be writing about crazy dates, great dates, no  shows…whatever.  I guess this is the fun part about being a sex and relationship writer. Blah.

Dating 101

Saturday, September 17^th

12pm

Al Waha Restaurant

3191 S. Grand Blvd

St. Louis, MO 63118

To sign up online, click here

Image from jrobe108.wordpress.com

My IQ is 140.

Found an interesting blog on Harvard Business Review. I consider HBR to be similar to the hand of God so I kept reading despite its tawdry title, Exploiting Beauty in the Workplace. Hmm.  I think of beauty in the same terms as winning the lottery. Some people get lucky. If you hit the genetic jackpot it mostly has nothing to do with you but more to do with your parents or ancestors. Exaggerated cheek bones are not made over night.

Then along comes Catherine Hakim, professor of sociology at the London School of Economics, with her book, “Erotic Capital: The Power of Attraction in the Boardroom and the Bedroom”, the basis of the HBR expose.  Like a carnival ride careening out of control, my mind was not able to wrap around this…idea.

I can’t begin to tell you how this grates on my nerves. Just because you can use your erotic beauty to get ahead in the corporate world, should you? Just because I COULD use an Uzi to settle a parking space dispute at Whole Foods, does it mean I should? Hey, why don’t you take something that you didn’t actually earn, may have fraudulently obtained due to good breeding and use it to leap frog the corporate ladder. Or rob a bank. Or marry Brad Pitt. Sky’s the limit when you are sexy.

Is Professor Hakim telling us something we already know? Fashion model looks will get ya far, kid? I have no idea. I haven’t read the book just the reviews. But it got me to thinking if this is a screwed up paradigm or the new world order that we dare not speak of.

Here’s a little biz lesson for you. Most of us knowingly use our other “capitals” in the office: economic capital or “I have money and status so listen to me”, human capital or “I’m intelligent with paperwork from an Ivy League charm school so listen to me”, and social capital or “I have tons of friends in high and low places that break knee caps so listen to me”. Hakim argues why not use the fourth capital of sexuality or “I’m not a tart but notice my size Double D’s so listen to me”?

Here's that annual report, tiger...

There is a backlash against women using this erotic capital for their benefit that even Hakim admits exists. HBR quoted the prof as saying, “Women who parade their beauty or sexuality…are belittled as stupid, lacking in intellect, and other ‘meaningful’ social attributes.” That obviously isn’t a ringing endorsement. Don’t get me started on the double standard implied here. Men who are attractive have the world and several sets of bras and panties at their fingertips, a divorce lawyer on speed dial and a corner office.

But if erotic capital is so highly valued, then why isn’t Jenna Jameson president? She’s smart. Believe me, she’s smart. The Einstein level of smarts to take a G-string and lube and pull a career out of her…you get where I’m going. And she’s beautiful. The theory falls apart when you consider how badly things can go when playing the sexy card. Like “Jersey Shore” badly. Like “drunken evening of too many free shots because the frats boys at the end of the bar think your dope, hopping into the passenger seat with an equally inebriated driver and spending the night in central lock up with a screaming prostitute” badly. Is there anything worse than that?

No one should have to apologize for the way they look, the way they dress, their Second Life avatar that looks like a wide eyed Olsen twin on crack. Whatever. That’s ridiculous. However, putting beauty in the same league as education or experience in the boardroom is also ridiculous.  Should erotic capital be capitalized upon?

Images from www.haydenjones.wordpress.com and www.freshblackwomen.tumblr.com

Some of us have had relationships that are horrifying and some simply horrible. Much like a horror movie, relationships can inspire fear, absurdity and resilience.  Even Jason and Michael Meyers have their admirers.

I confess I am a HUGE horror movie fan. I like to be scared. And it is even better when I have the object of my affection next to me to hold my hand or any other body part. Horror movies can bring a couple together.  And there is usually nakedness to cut the tension…or cut off something…in the film.

Sex plays a big part in most horror movies. Someone topless is going to get shanked… or chain sawed…or bludgeoned to death. It goes with the territory. Seems a little unfair. Just when you’re having a good time you get wacked? Are these characters being punished for their promiscuity?

Here are my main take- aways from most horror movies:

• Virgins generally live to the end of the film. Damn those “goody two shoes”!
• If you have sex in a horror movie, you will die – I know you learned this in Scream
• Weird objects can kill you – All the Final Destination movies are a prime example of this. Who dies from having a fire escape jettison into your eye??
• The boyfriend tends to be the killer or main suspect in the shenanigans

I’m not saying your boyfriend is an axe welding murder with mommy issues but… it’s worth taking into consideration.

These “splatter” films have been studied to death, pun intended, by psychologists and researchers for the connections between violence and women’s sexuality.  Plenty of white papers and academic musing support the idea that women owning their sexuality in slasher films generally get killed. Horrifying, right? I’m no psychologist but I would agree there can be too close of a connection to this.

However, this is a fun blog and horror movies are fictional for the most part. They are meant to be enjoyed and NOT taken seriously. Like this blog.  I think of horror films as the best of both worlds. My date gets to feel like the protector when I get a little freaked out, we get to see some sexy flesh and at the end of the day, it’s two hours of entertainment. I’ll leave the head shrinking theories to the professionals.

So for something fun to ponder, check out Horror Fanzine’s list of the top 20 sex scenes in horror movies. This site is a bit racy so be warned. It provides still shots of nakedness. I’m warning you in advance. But, it is a lighthearted look at who bites the dust the best when in a pretzel position. How’s that for horror sexy?? Also check out Hall of the Dragon’s the top 10 sexiest horror films.  This site is a little more tame.

If you are a fan of all things gory and scary, the perfect “date night” event is coming up this weekend.  Contamination 2011: The Sequel runs from Friday, June 24^th through Sunday, June 26^th at the Sheraton Chalet in Westport Plaza.  Even the name of this convention has a horror movie title ring to it!

Big names this year are Eric Roberts and “The Boondock Saints” Sean Patrick Flanery, Norman Reedus and David Dela Rocco and  Kane Hodder from “Friday the 13th parts 7-10”, Brad “Michael Myers” Loree from “Halloween Resurrection,” Bill “Leatherface” Johnson from “Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2” and Tony “Candyman” Todd from ”Candyman 1-3.

COSTUMES ARE ENCOURAGED!!! There will be costume contests during the convention so get your best horror gear ready.  You know you’ve been jones-ing to use that sexy Jason mask! Tickets for the weekend convention are available online now and range from $10 to $30.

Images courtesy of Dyer Straights Productions

Image from www.telegraph.co.uk

If you haven’t heard yet, there’s a little wedding across the pond that has every media outlet acting like a teenage girl at a Justin Bieber concert and grown women calling it their version of the “Super Bowl”. Yes, that’s right. Prince William and Kate Middleton tie the knot on April 29^th.

Why would a wedding that your boyfriend doesn’t have to attend be annoying to him? Well, I think we all know that just because you won’t be in Westminster Abby doesn’t mean he is free from hearing about it.

Here, in my humble opinion and non-scientific poll, are the top 5 reasons your man may be irritated with this whole royal wedding hoopla and take a stern dislike to anything related to it:

Reason 1: Don’t get any ideas

Any wedding can be troublesome for a relationship. This one is could be HUGE. Not only are they wondering what crazy ideas this royal union is putting in your head, now he may have to match its scope in romance and grandeur should he decide to take the plug.  Watch out for a very cranky boyfriend with fear in his eyes.

Reason 2: Your wedding “Super Bowl” might be on but his could be cancelled

By wedding standards, the nuptials of William and Kate are the best sport around. Too bad the man in your life may have to suffer through a dry season of no football. Things are precarious in the land of the pigskin.  The “wedding” will not deter him from his misery on this one.

Reason 3:  Why are you getting up at 4am to watch someone else get married anyway?

Unless it involves a hunting rifle or a fishing pole, your man may not be down with getting up or being disturbed at 4am. Go easy on the television volume when catching all of the majesty of this mesmerizing event.

Reason 4:  Your time and attention is NOT on him

You will be giddy with the excitement of the first glimpse of Kate’s dress, the massive bridal train, the church. You may even attend a viewing party or two. This leaves no time for the man in your life on April 29^th. He may feel neglected.  He may feel annoyed. Honor his feelings then promise him a night to remember on April 30^th.

Reason 5: The beautiful people always win

A wedding of this magnitude with two people as gorgeous as William and Kate is pretty much annoying to anyone.  Men can be competitive. Seeing all the attention around these two people for no good reason in their mind could bring out the “what’s so special about the Royal Family?” What they really could be thinking is why do some people have all the lucky of paternity and why should that be such a big deal? Point well taken.

Weddings can be problematic for your boyfriend. A royal wedding can be a bit too much. Take it easy on him and realize your fun could be his frustration. April 30^th cannot come soon enough for him.

source: www.telegraph.co.uk

• Your dog died. Yes, this is acceptable. Let me know where to send the sympathy card.
• Your boss is the ultimate bully and you have to take the brunt of hours that don’t end. Let me know where to send the hit man.
• Family ties are binding and need some TLC. Let me know where to send the bottle of vodka.
• You’re broke as a mofo. Hey, we’ve all been cashed strapped and partying is not in the budget. Let me know where to send you freelance work.
• Trying to lose some LBs? Dinners out are not in the cards with your best buddies. Let me know where to send the link to Weight Watchers.

• Cancelling plans last minute based on the needs of a boyfriend. If you already committed to a GNO (girls night out) then bail with a lame excuse a half hour before meeting up, I will get medieval on you.
• Taking on the chameleon effect by doing everything your new boyfriend likes. It’s one thing to support but another to drink the Kool-Aid. His competitive foosball career should not be a reason why you can’t go your best friend’s baby shower. Grow a set. Besides, he has a mommy. He doesn’t need you to praise him 24/7. Just sayin.
• Talking incessantly about your relationship. Friends are there to listen. But if you go on and on about problems that you don’t want to solve just to hear your lungs get some exercise, then shut up. If there is a ton of issues with the love of your life, it makes it more offensive that you would disappear from your friend’s lives to coddle him and his craziness.

Image from AshleyMadison.com

“Life is short. Have an affair.” This bold statement greets you at the home page of AshleyMadison.com, the premier website for online cheating. It claims over 8.6 million anonymous members. That’s a lot of cheating.

Inside the confines of this “discreet dating service” (their words not mine) one is enticed to believe that your world will be rocked by an illicit rendezvous free from the strings of the normal ways of cheating, meaning with your secretary, the pool boy or the college student babysitter.  They even have a “100% Ashley Madison Affair Guarantee”. WTF?

Ashley Madison is the brainchild of Noel Biderman, married man and father of two. Biderman’s other enterprises under the parent company Avid Life Media include Cougarlife.com, a site for older women who think no one notices that they’re not 20 years old seeking younger men, EstablishedMen.com, which facilitates “ambitious and attractive girls” hooking up with sugar daddies and HotOrNot.com, a site where you can rate someone’s photo on their attractiveness or skeeziness. Seeing a theme here? And, no, I am not hyperlinking any of those sites. Do a keyword search if you’re interested.

The economic business of cheating is hard to define. According to Online Dating Insider, an industry website, internet dating is a lucrative pie valued at between $1 billion and $1.5 billion with 10 to 30 percent of that cherry going to those disposed to cheating or exploring the option.

Ashley Madison accounts for the majority of the $20 million in profit to the Avid Life Media coffers of $60 million in revenue says an MSNBC.com article. I guess you CAN put a dollar figure on cheating. And those profits will expand when Ashley Madison ventures into Italy, Spain and Brazil. That’s on top of already wrecking homes in the U.S., Canada, Sweden, Ireland, New Zealand, Australia, United Kingdom, Switzerland and Austria. International home wrecking has its benefits for Biderman and company.

Face it. We have all been cheated on or done the cheating in some shape or form. Proprietors of sex rely upon the male fantasy that cheating is a victimless crime unless you get caught. Reality says that women and men are more than willing to be a victim or victimize their significant other. Some of us have unwittingly been a party to this. I’ve already spouted off about my experience in this realm. Feel free to relive it with me.

How does cheating differ between the XX chromosomes and the XY? My humble, maybe flawed, theory:

Men’s idea of cheating:

• Having sex with a woman other than their girlfriend

Women’s idea of cheating:

• Sex-ting with anyone other than your girlfriend
• Exchanging emails with someone other than your girlfriend that include sex talk or any other talk that you want to hide from them
• Buying other woman dinner or any gifts other than your girlfriend
• Having sex with a woman other than your girlfriend including any sex that you’ve paid for

As you can see, the chasm between what I considered cheating based on gender is wide.  About as wide as the Grand Canyon. Do sites like Ashley Madison really encourage cheating? No, cheaters will cheat no matter what. Does it facilitate the process? Yes, if you want to cheat across geographical time zones but in general, no. Cheaters will cheat. I guess Noel Biderman was smart enough to monetize it.